...when I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do to get over this? I've changed my hair. I've bought new heels. I sought out the requisite doses of self esteem in the form of "It happens to everyone", or "You were too good for him", or of course, "You'll find someone better". No looking at photos. I've done the standard "No communication" passage, complete with no emails, Facebook, calls, Twitter....you name it. I've listened to every Beyonce/Rihanna/Carrie Underwood anthem about being strong and independent enough to pick up and move on.
I prayed. Jesus says to forgive our neighbor his sins like God has forgiven us. I do want to forgive. But what does it mean, that in my dreams at night, I'm cussing him out and ready to strangle him for everything? Have I truly forgiven? Or have I forgiven but just can't forget?
I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do, right? I'm not hopping into dating or another relationship for a while so that I can focus on myself. Got a new job, and started figuring out what I want for myself in life...
I know I'm better off......but then why is it still hard sometimes?
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
I don't know when...
...its supposed to get easier.
I've been back for almost three months now. Life has been an adjustment, in the very least. I am happy I secured a part-time job at Jack Fm 100.3 here in Dallas, which is nice because I get a bit of pocket change, and I get to meet new and interesting people. I manage to squeeze in hours of GRE prep in the evening after I come home from giving away weird prizes to listeners all over the metroplex.
I have so many conversations with my coworkers about life post college. Promotions is definitely the McJob of the broadcasting world. One doesnt need a college degree to do this job. Heck, you probably don't even need a high school degree. All you need is a driver's license, the ability to stand on your feet for 3-4 hours, a bright smile, and wittiness to engage with the listeners, most of which are about 25 years older than all of us Promo-sapiens. That being said, many of the promo staff seem pretty disillusioned with the world. After all, most of them have college degrees, and took this job because they couldn't find anything else to help them chip away at their post-undergrad student loan debt. I have had no less than three conversations about whether college is even worth it for students nowadays.
It makes me sad that so many people in my age group feel so let down by the government and by society. As for me, it makes me ponder my own educational choices sometimes. Is it really a good idea to "follow your dreams?" And by following dreams does majoring in so called "soft majors" like sociology, political science *cough* *cough* communications *cough* mean that you are deluding yourself and condemning yourself to a lifetime of unemployment because you don't have "real skills?" I find myself at a point where I am deciding what career academic option to take.
A part of me just wants to start working and getting work experience under my belt. If there is anything I've learned with my Fulbright its the fact that I feel like I learned more about the world in a year than I did in 4 years of college. But at the same time, I know that a bachelor's degree is not enough anymore. More and more people are getting bachelor's degrees, thus deflating the value of the diploma. So I know I need to get another degree (or 3) to compete.
But here's the thing. So I continue studying what I'm interested in? Or switch to a "sure path" like law. I guess when it comes down to it, my main concern is: "Can I find a job that will support me?"
Chasing dreams or chasing stability? I just feel like I'm in such an awkward stage, where anything is possible, and yet the world is telling you that youre just fooling yourself.
I've been back for almost three months now. Life has been an adjustment, in the very least. I am happy I secured a part-time job at Jack Fm 100.3 here in Dallas, which is nice because I get a bit of pocket change, and I get to meet new and interesting people. I manage to squeeze in hours of GRE prep in the evening after I come home from giving away weird prizes to listeners all over the metroplex.
I have so many conversations with my coworkers about life post college. Promotions is definitely the McJob of the broadcasting world. One doesnt need a college degree to do this job. Heck, you probably don't even need a high school degree. All you need is a driver's license, the ability to stand on your feet for 3-4 hours, a bright smile, and wittiness to engage with the listeners, most of which are about 25 years older than all of us Promo-sapiens. That being said, many of the promo staff seem pretty disillusioned with the world. After all, most of them have college degrees, and took this job because they couldn't find anything else to help them chip away at their post-undergrad student loan debt. I have had no less than three conversations about whether college is even worth it for students nowadays.
It makes me sad that so many people in my age group feel so let down by the government and by society. As for me, it makes me ponder my own educational choices sometimes. Is it really a good idea to "follow your dreams?" And by following dreams does majoring in so called "soft majors" like sociology, political science *cough* *cough* communications *cough* mean that you are deluding yourself and condemning yourself to a lifetime of unemployment because you don't have "real skills?" I find myself at a point where I am deciding what career academic option to take.
A part of me just wants to start working and getting work experience under my belt. If there is anything I've learned with my Fulbright its the fact that I feel like I learned more about the world in a year than I did in 4 years of college. But at the same time, I know that a bachelor's degree is not enough anymore. More and more people are getting bachelor's degrees, thus deflating the value of the diploma. So I know I need to get another degree (or 3) to compete.
But here's the thing. So I continue studying what I'm interested in? Or switch to a "sure path" like law. I guess when it comes down to it, my main concern is: "Can I find a job that will support me?"
Chasing dreams or chasing stability? I just feel like I'm in such an awkward stage, where anything is possible, and yet the world is telling you that youre just fooling yourself.
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