Forward Ever, Backward Never

Straws of consciousness

2010-02-01T22:22:00.004-06:00

Do you ever feel like
You are grasping at straws of a dream
For a chance to dip one in
And sip out of the cup
of the good life?

Even if I draw the short straw
I could still have a taste
I may draw the short straw
Hear you me
I would never take
any drop for granted.

Even if I made a house
A house of straw
Though they tell me
There may be a wolf
That house of straw is my work
Built by my hands alone
Something finally to call my own.

"This is the last straw!" I said!
I said I wouldn't take it any more
"Not from you, not from him, not from them!" I said.
But how easy is it to stop taking straws
to stop sipping from a cup
Which sustained you
At least at some point in time?

We all fear we are straw men
building straw houses
Blindly picking the short straws
Never knowing when the last straw
Will really be our last
Built up in the beginning
to be torn down in the end....

End of a Decade...

2009-12-31T18:28:00.003-06:00

This is the last post of the year, and the last post of the decade. This past decade has brought me through the beginning and end of high school, the beginning and end of college and three major trips to Europe and Africa. It has brought successes, failures, and heartache. Heck the past three years alone have led me down a path that I didn't need to be following. While in the past three years I've traveled the world, won awards and scholarships, and had amazing experiences both in and out of school, it also brought about a spiritual and moral confusion which I am only now emerging from. I used to think I was the biz-ness. That I was smart, and fun, and attractive and that I didn't need anyone's help or advice when it came to life. I used to think that all I needed to succeed in life was to always be the center of attention, to always 'appear' to come out on top, or to always look like I had my ducks in a row. But in reality, all was not what it seemed. Without going into much detail, I have decided to forgo a lot of old habits. I have decided to abstain from alcohol and negative environments, for starters. My spending habits will be under control. I will be putting dating/relationships on hold until much further notice. Most importantly, I have devoted a lot of my time in the last months in getting to know God and his will for my life. It's the only decision thats made a lot of sense for me in a long time...the end of 2009 is the end of my life as I knew it.

And thats a good thing.

Cheers and blessings for 2010!

When Will I ever get that Good Hair??

2009-12-20T00:28:00.004-06:00

I can always count on my hair to make me cry. Over the years, hair shedding, bald spots, and over-ambitious "I'm-just-cutting-the-split-ends" incident have induced many episodes of tearful angst. Today was one of those days.

I've been wearing some form of extensions in my hair since the time I was five. I think I first got a perm when I was eight. Ever since then, whether it was extensions of the kanekalon variety, or the creamy crack of the no-lye variety, I have had some sort of alteration in my hair. Ive worn braids, weaves, extensions, ponytails, and clip ons. I always thought long hair was pretty. Pretty girls had long hair. Silky hair. I wanted to do the pin curl styles like in the American Girl magazines I read. My mother was always ready to drop serious dime on my perms and my extensions, and she still is.

Flash forward to today. While in Ghana, I wore some natural afros and twist styles. It was the first time in my life that people were actually complementing me on what ACTUALLY came out of my head. Its a liberating feeling. Lets be honest, I'm not going to say I base my complete and total self-worth on how I look.

But it matters. It matters to me first and foremost as a human, second as a woman, third as a black woman, fourth as a GHANAIAN women (Ghanaians have some serious hair issues in my family) and lastly as a young SINGLE woman. It matters.

I've been on antibiotics recently for some newfound ailment of the month. And its taken a toll on my hair. My hair needs health care overhaul right now. Basically, the medications have caused my hair to shed and break (again....this happened back in 2007 as well). I'm sick of the weaves and oppression I put into my hair so I deweaved myself so that I could rock a natural style.

Since my hair wasnt in the greatest shape, I opted for two strand twists instead of pressing it out. Not my usual thing, but I'm kinda glad to just have my hair out.

Of course my mother is upset. She is already scheming of ways to buy new weave hair to put in my head, or thinking of putting on a fall or something of the sort. My mom is never seen without her weave, for sure. But a part of me felt a little hurt. Why cant she just say my natural hair is pretty? (BTW, my dad is happy with my decision) She said the twists are too limp, my hair is too short, and that its not full enough, etc etc...

Some natural hair bloggers out there.......Someone do a post about how it feels when mothers pressure their daughters to wear extensions/perms and what that means about the transmission of beauty norms from one generation to another. Because I know for a fact, my mother's mother in Ghana flipped out when I wore twists too. She said I looked like a rasta (quite derogatory in Ghana). So it looks like my sister and I will be breaking the mold on that one...

Memoirs of my Fulbright year...

2009-12-14T22:22:00.002-06:00

My family story has all the makings of a crazy Nollywood film. It’s got all the yummy toppings- family curses, royal lineages, evil halfsisters, witchcraft, tales of war, and polygamy. Imagine finding out that your grandfather was a prominent Ashanti chief and that your father was next in line to inherit the stool. Imagine finding out that you have a long lost uncle who disappeared in Europe years ago and that your grandmother believes her own stepdaughter had him killed. Imagine being inspired by stories of how your family narrowly escaped the horrors of the Biafran War in Nigeria, and ended up in refugee camps in Ghana. I got way more than I bargained for when I decided to go back to Ghana for a year to do research on radio broadcasting. Learning the true stories of my family history is not an easy process. I had to, and still am, coming to terms not only with who my family is, but who I am as a person. …….

What am I supposed to do..

2009-11-24T23:28:00.002-06:00

...when I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do to get over this? I've changed my hair. I've bought new heels. I sought out the requisite doses of self esteem in the form of "It happens to everyone", or "You were too good for him", or of course, "You'll find someone better". No looking at photos. I've done the standard "No communication" passage, complete with no emails, Facebook, calls, Twitter....you name it. I've listened to every Beyonce/Rihanna/Carrie Underwood anthem about being strong and independent enough to pick up and move on.

I prayed. Jesus says to forgive our neighbor his sins like God has forgiven us. I do want to forgive. But what does it mean, that in my dreams at night, I'm cussing him out and ready to strangle him for everything? Have I truly forgiven? Or have I forgiven but just can't forget?

I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do, right? I'm not hopping into dating or another relationship for a while so that I can focus on myself. Got a new job, and started figuring out what I want for myself in life...

I know I'm better off......but then why is it still hard sometimes?

I don't know when...

2009-11-07T00:00:00.002-06:00

...its supposed to get easier.

I've been back for almost three months now. Life has been an adjustment, in the very least. I am happy I secured a part-time job at Jack Fm 100.3 here in Dallas, which is nice because I get a bit of pocket change, and I get to meet new and interesting people. I manage to squeeze in hours of GRE prep in the evening after I come home from giving away weird prizes to listeners all over the metroplex.

I have so many conversations with my coworkers about life post college. Promotions is definitely the McJob of the broadcasting world. One doesnt need a college degree to do this job. Heck, you probably don't even need a high school degree. All you need is a driver's license, the ability to stand on your feet for 3-4 hours, a bright smile, and wittiness to engage with the listeners, most of which are about 25 years older than all of us Promo-sapiens. That being said, many of the promo staff seem pretty disillusioned with the world. After all, most of them have college degrees, and took this job because they couldn't find anything else to help them chip away at their post-undergrad student loan debt. I have had no less than three conversations about whether college is even worth it for students nowadays.

It makes me sad that so many people in my age group feel so let down by the government and by society. As for me, it makes me ponder my own educational choices sometimes. Is it really a good idea to "follow your dreams?" And by following dreams does majoring in so called "soft majors" like sociology, political science *cough* *cough* communications *cough* mean that you are deluding yourself and condemning yourself to a lifetime of unemployment because you don't have "real skills?" I find myself at a point where I am deciding what career academic option to take.

A part of me just wants to start working and getting work experience under my belt. If there is anything I've learned with my Fulbright its the fact that I feel like I learned more about the world in a year than I did in 4 years of college. But at the same time, I know that a bachelor's degree is not enough anymore. More and more people are getting bachelor's degrees, thus deflating the value of the diploma. So I know I need to get another degree (or 3) to compete.

But here's the thing. So I continue studying what I'm interested in? Or switch to a "sure path" like law. I guess when it comes down to it, my main concern is: "Can I find a job that will support me?"

Chasing dreams or chasing stability? I just feel like I'm in such an awkward stage, where anything is possible, and yet the world is telling you that youre just fooling yourself.

Some examples of my Jewelry!

2009-10-22T22:56:00.005-05:00

One thing I've noticed since coming back from my Fulbright is that I've taken up, or re-taken up, my hobby for making jewelry. Something about Ghana inspired me. Going to the markets, seeing the beads and and beadmaking and the amazing designs of some of the jewelry I picked up out there really got my creative juices flowing. It also helps me take my mind off of the stress of coming back from the Fulbright, which is something to not be taken lightly.

Getting used to being back in the States is no easy feat, and for me its really hard sometimes. I miss my friends, I miss the work I was doing, I miss the interactions from daily life. I've realized that the superficial things I used to value, I don't value anymore. Life in America, to me is about consumption, consumption, consumption. Consumption of food, consumption of brand name clothes, consumption of gas, consumption of knowledge.... We define ourselves by what we can buy or acquire. We go to work so that we can buy more things. Its about give and take, definitely. But what happens when you cannot afford to consume all those things? Are you less of a person? Definitely not. The people I lived with, worked with had so much less in terms of material goods. But life was rich. I won't say life was easy for them all the time. But I have learned it doesn't take much to be happy. I also did not say to be happy one needs to have things go perfectly for them. But really, I think all one needs in life to be happy are meaningful relationships and meaningful work......

Ah, I could go on and on. Here's my jewelry!

These are just some of my favorites right now. My family keeps saying I should sell them! Right now I'm doing it for creative release! Feedback is appreciated!

(I really like this pink one. Im thinking of playing around with colors for the next one. The clusters remind me of berries, so for Christmas, Im imagining some holiday berry type jewelry..)

xoxKaren

If I were a Guy I would totally date a Feminist!!!

2009-09-25T14:46:00.004-05:00

I don't get it when men roll their eyes at the mere sound of the word "feminist". The common perception is that all feminists are bra burning, non-leg-shaving, Doc-Marten wearing types that hate men. Not so! Actually, in this day and age, feminists make men's lives easier! I guess I got all irritated after reading Maureen Dowd's article in the New York Times So let me put on my "dude hat" and see why I would date one of today's feh-men-nysts!

-Yeah, I know your bored, white, middleclass foremothers clamored for more opportunities in the workplace. And you got them! But guess what? Work in the office sucks, and it seems your forebears forgot to ask for one thing....that we men should help out more at home to ease the domestic burdens you were still expected to do on top of doing the workforce thing. Sucks to be you, dude win for me!

-It's not my fault that instead of valuing the work that women did in the home as homemakers and caring for the youth, your forebears devalued it just like the men did. Even though as a man, deep down inside I know I probably couldn't handle the truly hard work it is to raise children and care for the community, it is easier to tell myself and society that what a woman does in the home is way less important than the corporate hunting and gathering I do at the office. You know, so no one expects me to do it. And now the feminists think the same way I do, that home work is beneath them. Instead your forebears outsourced the grunt work of caring for the home to kindhearted (read: exploited) women of color to do the work for them for little pay and no respect. Hey, I should have thought of that myself! Or wait, I did....I think it was called slavery or colonization of colored nations. Whatever. Dude Score!

-Hey, with a feminist I don't have to pay for dates, or open the door, pull out the chair...etc. Little victories, little victories

. -That idea of sexual revolution was awesome. Your forebears were afraid that we menfolk thought of you as just sexual objects, only with that unwanted free-will/opinion/right to say no glitch that the divine engineer in the sky failed to iron out. Now, you've convinced yourself that the route to sexual freedom is to bang as many guys as possible. Most of us men folk think like this when we hear you: Yeah, yeah yea, blahblahblah women's movement woh woh woh freedom from patriarchy woh woh ownership of your sexuality woh woh.."What...honey? Yea, I heard you, I respect you of course!! Now uh....can you hurry and take your clothes off and do that gymnatics trick you said you could do? Youre so friggin hot!!" Yea, now you give up the goods for less trouble than it used to be. (But really, deep inside, we'd still prefer if you didn't give up the goods to 20 other guys before me. Maybe 2 guys max...still gives me a sense of accomplishment if you let me hit it) Dude mega score!!

- (Dude who is the CEO of any cosmetics company, advertising agency, fashion magazine, or any doctor of plastic surgery or corrective procedure) Hey wimin-folk, is it our fault that nowhere between the 1950's and now did any of you launch an effective way for women to truly appreciate and love their bodies in all shapes and sizes? Okay, maybe part of it is. But until you women find a way to inject 250 cc's of self-esteem into yourselves, we menfolk are going to make millions of injecting you with Botox, Restylane, collagen, hot asphalt, South American chincillia urine, or whatever else you think will make you look younger and hotter to us and compete with other women. You've got your own job, so you can pay for it. Because here's a secret, for the most part, many decent men think you look fine as you are with normal diet and exercise and a healthy attitude, so I would never give you money for such things.

Okay, dude hat off. I know many would disagree, but sometimes I think that we as society have not achieved the goals we wanted when it came to women's empowerment. I know things take time, years, generations. But I think we as women have shouldered the burden of our own empowerment on ourselves alone, and not asked men to participate. However, I read statistics in America that suggest things are changing, with men taking a little more reponsibility at home. (I think a generation ago, men did 6-7 hours of house work, and now its getting to be 13 or so. Still women are taking on 17 hours a week or something. I don't feel like looking it up. Journalism fail)

Point is, men prescibed us a male lens from ages untold, and we are still returning generation after generation to refill that prescription. That is, until we come to value our bodies at every shape and age, and respect the work of raising children, education, health, etc. Sure, maybe the frames on those lenses are now cute Chanel ones I saw in Glamour that have the new anti-eye aging function endorsed by Brooke Shields.

Lost In Translation...or wrong dress at the wrong time?

2009-09-21T21:51:00.011-05:00

Victoria Rowell

I saw this this dress on the news and it would be remiss of me NOT to post about it. I'm sure many people have seen the controversy over the dress African American soap opera star Victoria Rowell wore to the Emmy Awards Sunday night..

Its the Ghanaian Cloth from Obama's historic visit to Ghana this past July! I blogged about it back then for America.gov (http://ow.ly/15HEud). As someone who has been hopping back and forth between Africa and the United States for a while, I'm finding this an opportunity to take a hard look at two VERY different cultural interpretations of one piece of fabric.

In Ghana, as I blogged, the cloth was made to commemorate President Obama's visit to the country back in July. It was the first trip he made to Sub-saharan Africa as President, and obviously, the first African-American President to visit Africa. It was, oh how they say, kinda-a-big-deal. It is an African tradition to make cloth to commemorate special occasions, and if the person is important enough, the face is often included in the design. Like I mentioned in my guest blog post, the cloth says "Akwaaba", which is Akan for "Welcome" and the golden symbols mean "Gye Nyame" (literally means, "no one but God can do it") and the symbol of the stool, which is a political symbol of governance. The cloth was produced by Akosombo Textiles Ltd, a fabric company operating near Accra. One of the other Fulbrighters was an intern at ATL, and we got to meet the designer of this particular fabric, Alfred. When Obama came in July, Ghanaians in Accra could buy this fabric for about 2 dollars a yard, take it their their neighborhood friendly seamstress and have custom made Obama Couture.

So that's the Ghanaian side. But here I am back in the good ol' Yew-Ess of A and obviously, the good intentions behind the cloth didn't really travel overseas well. I don't really watch soaps so I don't know really who Victoria Rowell is, but this morning, she obviously made everyone's Emmy Awards "Worst Dressed List". Or the "Wtf-was-she-thinking?!!- list".
Check out a woman at Obama's Departure ceremony in July rockin Obama Couture by ATL:

So that's the Ghanaian side. But here I am back in the good ol' Yew-Ess of A and obviously, the good intentions behind the cloth didn't really travel overseas well. I don't really watch soaps so I don't know really who Victoria Rowell is, but this morning, she obviously made everyone's Emmy Awards "Worst Dressed List". Or the "Wtf-was-she-thinking?!!- list".

Not that I think the readers who lurk the dark corners of comment sections on celebrity and fashion blogs are the creme de la creme of American social critics. But just check some of the responses to Mizz Roswell's dress:

From theybf.com, a site that follows black celebrities in Hollywood:

-OH LAWD TAKE ME NOW FOR THAT OBAMA DRESS….when are we going to stop with the madness? I love Obama and Michelle O does too and if she doesnt sport an Obama dress then NO ONE SHOULD!!! LOL

-victoria’s dress is cute but obama face is messing up it.i’ll never wear something with someone face on it.it messes up the outfit all the time.
if the dress was more elaborated with no one face on it, it would fit the event.
plus only african women can wear nicely african fabrics. cos when i see some non-african people wearing african fabrics, it’s always look a mess!!

-Victoria= looks like a thristy groupie. fall back with that Obama bedroom set that you wrapped around yourself.

Im VERY VERY upset that Victoria had the nerve to wear that dress! I mean Im just as happy as the next person that Obama is in office as our Prez but does she have to be so tacky and extreme with it??!! Not at all!

Now I found the debate on YBF's comment section interesting. There were some who supported at least the IDEA of the dress. Looks like we had some fellow Ghanaians throwing their two-cents into the mix:

-The fabric Victoria’s wearing is extremely popular in West Africa. In addition to Obama’s picture, it’s decorated with Ghanian Andinkra symbols.It’s so easy to not be ignorant people… Google it and learn something!

-I can appreciate the African fabric but maybe not for an Emmys dress.

-yeah i actually dig the dress. i thought it was a clever choice and i got it. african style dress with an african on it and adinkra symbols on it. i think what would have elevated the dress more to couture level is if it hand some sort of organza or toule (sp?) fabric underneath and ruffles and more sculpture to it, but i can appreciate the black conscious effort statement nonetheless.

Again, YBF caters to a mostly black readership. But the comments on TMZ took even wilder shades of crazy, many of them descending into debates on Obama's race:

Typical. Hey, i'm black, Obama is black, let me prove a point by being a stupid black attention whore. What's the point? That black people actually did something.
Wow.Posted at 9:26PM on Sep 20th 2009 by stanley roper

If the president was white and she voted for him, i am sure his picture would not be on her dress....The only reason he is on her dress is to promote that he is black
Posted at 9:26PM on Sep 20th 2009 by RACISTS,RACISTS,RACISTS

7. OK We get it, you're a black women who is loving it cause we have a black president,you can quit campaigning now. So Stupid Posted at 1:06PM on Sep 21st 2009 by penny green

I agree that the dress is a) ugly and b) cult-like, but there's no cause to bring her race into this like so many of the posters above. I don't know any conservatives with such ignorant views, it's so offensive I'm inclined to believe they were posted by sock puppets who can they say 'hey, look at all the right-wing racists!'. Sort of like the democrat who vandalized the democratic congressman's office, or the liberal professor who hung a noose on her own office door.

People, people, people! She simply wore a dress, that SHE liked... on HER body. So she supports President Obama, so what alot people do and they aren't all black. I simply will never understand all the hate in this country. Yes he is black and white...but you dont care you just want to bring him down because of the part of him that is black.

So, if I were to do a brief analysis of the comment pools of the two different sites, in a nutshell I would say that the debate largely boiled to whether the dress and the print were nice enough to wear to an event such as the Emmys. Africans and those who had traveled to Africa did their best to try to explain the significance of the cloth in Ghana (maybe Mz. Rowell's PR peeps should have done the same). But TMZ, which has a large multicultural audience....well...it looked like an online race war.

I have my own opinions on the dress as fashion itself. I love the cloth, but the sewmanship is terrible. It does hang on her like a political bedsheet. My seamstress should have hooked her up.

I don't expect ordinary Americans to know anything about Ghana and its traditions. I don't really expect Americans to know much about anything going on outside of the U.S. borders, sorry to say. So I won't cry about how ignorant Americans are....I don't have high expectations. Plus what goes in one culture doesn't always go down well in another. Thats fair.

But honestly? Would she have raised so many eyebrows a year ago this time? When everyone from Kim Kardashian to Halle Berry to Spike Lee and Beyonce were wearing Obama's name and face on everything? Is this just a case of bad fashion? Or a young actress trying to get press attention?

Or does the reaction mark a representation of Obama eroding popularity with the people and the American media? Perhaps this means deep down inside, the race issue is something that is all too easily brought to the surface by seeminingly innocuous gestures....?

I dunno. Its kinda sad. I still have my cloth, and lots of it. Funny how one cloth can represent a historical acheivement on one continent.....and on another, deep seated racial tensions and the end of Obama's honeymoon.

xoxoKaren

Back in the States....

2009-09-16T13:56:00.002-05:00

....and im still trying to get over my culture shock from coming back this time.

The US is a completely different place than how I left it. My family members have packed up and gone to school, my brother has graduated and moved to NY, my father has changed jobs, friends are in jobs/getting engaged or married/having babies. Its crazy! I thought life would be on the pause button while I was away! No one said to hit fast forward!!

Okay, not entirely true, but things are different. The economy is down the drain because of a rapid fire chain of events a year ago, my president is black, theres this new thing called Twitter..... I forgot how things move at such a high octane pace here in the States. Coming from Ghana where things move at a tro-tro-getting-stuck-in-traffic-along-Spintex-Road pace at times, its a little jarring....

I know Ive been away for a while, and I know that I will have to recap a lot of my Fulbright experiences complete with pictures as I reflect on them from the comfort of my quiet neighboorhood and air conditioned, carpeted house that has running water and no mosquitoes.

But hey, Something I will post on soon will concern my one brush with greatness....working with Obama's trip to Ghana. I was writing a blog for the State Department!! Check out the link here!

http://blogs.america.gov/obama/tag/ghana/page/2/

Nice opportunity, yea?

Oh yes, and guess what? I may have a piece on NPR coming out about some of the work I did with serial callers!! Stay tuned...

xoxKaren

Back from Malawi.....

2009-08-09T08:02:00.002-05:00

I just got back from my trip to malawi which was scary and intense and cold and wonderful and eyeopening and fun all in the same time.

I have to go back....too much of my heart is there and already, separating from him and the pressure of not knowing whats next is making my heart crack, but not yet break.

Not yet....

Ghana Fashion Week: More shots

2009-07-06T06:53:00.003-05:00

Ghana Fashion Week

2009-07-02T06:25:00.003-05:00

Ghana Fashion Week + Backstage Press Passes + Front Seats = Awesome.

Ghana Fashion week kicked off with designers from Ghana, Nigeria and Benin showcasing their talent in what can only be described as a night of music, wax cloth, heels, hip-hop, and all around fierceness. Check out some of my photos from the Night. And Ill upload some interviews I had with the designers backstage!

Internet Fraud in Ghana- A socially protected practice?

2009-06-01T09:54:00.003-05:00

Every sunday, I help to host a show on a new station on Y FM Ghana, 107.7 FM on a show called "Fresh". The show is designed to target the Ghanaian youth, and we combine hip hop music and discussions about matters that affect the youth in Ghana. While I have been working on the show, we have discussed everything from sexual harrassment, to youth unemployment, to the "Sugar Daddy" phenomenon affecting young women. Listeners are invited to text in with their views and thoughts about the topic for the day.

Yesterday, we had a discussion about the practice of internet fraud, commonly referred to as "sacawa". People who use the internet to defraud people are often known as "sacawa boys" . Now the interesting thing about the use of the word "sacawa" to describe internet fraud is the fact that, from what I gather, " Sacawa" means "blood money" or the practice of using juju, or witchcraft, to get quick money. So the view is that many internet frauders use juju to defraud Westerners out of thousands of dollars of cash, whether it be through posing as females on internet dating sites to get money from western men, or by using email scams, or using stolen credit card numbers.

The facts are that internet fraud is on the rise in Ghana, and it is a practice that is blamed mostly on the youth. Unfortunately in Ghana, numbers of unemployed, out of school youth are very high. Thus, it comes as no surprise that many young people relish the opportunity to make quick money.

Many of the texters to our show echoed this idea. "Leave the sacawa boys alone!", one text said. Another said, "We dont hve jobs and cant afford school, so what else should we do?" Yet others said sacawa is actually HELPING the economy and is reducing crime on the streets. And many others yet said that internet fraud was a way to repay white people for the crimes they had perpetuated on Africa and blacks in general. Some of my friends in Ghana have thought about going into internet fraud but are afraid to use witchcraft. I've heard of young men buying flashy cars, computers, homes, and expensive clothes with stolen money. Even myself, I see internet fraud all the time in the cafe across my street. Young boys will come in, gather around the computer, prowling dating sites and sending messages to Western men pretending to be girls. One time, the cafe operator asked if he could use my voice to talk to one of his victims to prove he was an American girl!!

There are talks of a cyber crime bill going through Ghanaian parliament right now that would inrease jail penalties for those who are caught. But would it really work? In a society where jobs and education are denied for a large number of youth, and importance on money and Western style consumerism and materialism is growing, it comes as no surprise that internet fraud seems to be a supported practice by those in the youth. If the government really wants to combat this problem (if they see it as a problem at all, since most of those in government live plush lives anyway) there needs to be more jobs and opprtunities available to the youth.

Overwhelmed

2009-05-25T11:05:00.003-05:00

I dont even know where to start. Yes, im here in Dallas, for two weeks while see my bro graduate....I have until June 3rd to submit a report for the embassy and June 4th to submit for a project im doing with AUCC in Adabraka. OVer the past few months while ive been away from this blog, ive experienced more sickness, more computer crashes...more trips to other regions...etc etc. But now im supposeed to write something? I have massive amounts of recordings I have to get through. There could stand to be some more interviews I could conduct. I just feel like this has crept up on me so fast.

And sometimes, I feel like I'm an amateur at all this. Maybe its because ive nver done something like this before, but I wonder..."Will anyone find this interesting/useful?" "Could I publish this?" Is there a way I could continue this in the future?

And obviously being back home for a while, Im glad to see friends and family, but I have a strange neutral feeling about being bacvk home. None of that culture shock I expected, but really I do feel like I have two homes, one in Dallas and one in Ghana. I was super sad to leave a special someone behind....but hopefully Ill see him again in Malawi in July...

THAT IS, AFTER OBAMA'S visit!!! :D

I do have some things I wish I had done differently on fulbright...I wish I hadnt worked so hard at my internship, in a sense...I think I found myself doing catch up with my own work, after doing everyone elses for them. I wish I had BACKED UP MY FILES!! I wish I had travelled more. I wish I had done an attachment at a radio station. I wish I had learned more Twi... But I mean, overall its been a great experience...I cant even process everything ive been through in the past months. Maybe thats why im bad at updating.

I really do have a passion for media and development. I want to see media stand up for the populations that cant stand up for themselves. I heard the CNN African Journalist of the Year for radio's entry, by Joy FM's Israel Laryea, about a girl who was being abused and how the community responded to it. Features like this need to have more prominence in Ghanaian media , as opposed to politics dominating the airwaves. I know I studied communications, but if I do go to school, I want to go back and learn more about broadcasting...

Now I am in the point where I have to decide what to do post fulbright..do I stay in Ghana? OR do I come back to the states and apply for school? Honestly, I would love to get a job at an organization that works in radio for development, anywhere on the continent...(well, the english speaking ones). I know I need to learn some more languages...perhaps French and Swahili....

Life decisions.....

OMG some pictures

2009-02-25T06:55:00.002-06:00

Radio Station in Tamale Me, Drew (Another Fulbrighter) and the Vice President

My Flight Some Fulbrighters in September

Heylo Peoples...

2009-02-24T07:47:00.002-06:00

Life has been going okay. Unfortunately around Valentine's Day, I became really sick with some sort of fever from Malaria or something. Not cool, because Valentines Day here in Ghana is apparently a really big deal, and I wanted to go out and have fun! So instead I stayed in and watched DVDs instead. But a very special gentleman helped to brighten my day by bringing in Red orchids! Going to the hospital was terrible for malaria. I was having chills and aches, like I said. I went to Akai House near CDD. Immediately I was put on IV, but the terrible thing was was that the doctors couldnt get the needles in right! It took four tries to get a vein. By this time I wanted to kille everyone in the room. I had to get blood taken, as well as some painful injections in my bottom (OWCH)!! I couldnt walk properly for a day and a half. But the drugs helped. I was given some artesinate and painkillers and thankfully I was better in about 3 days or so. But getting sick here is terrible. Besides feeling terrible, I hate not being able to get work done. I lost about a week due to being sick. So now its only this week that I am catching up.

Wait, did I mention I went to Kumasi three weeks ago?? No? Well I had to go after losing my recordings. I went to Kapital Radio 97.1 with Drew. On the good side, I had a wonderful trip. Andrew and I went and talked with the crew at Kapital Radio and they are the nicest people on this planet. In fact, Kumasi people are amazing. Kumasi is not as loud, as smelly, as busy and in general as crazy as Accra. I need the break, the change of pace. Even though I went to Kumasi to try to recover recordings as a result of a technological disaster, I did gain more insight into what broadcasting is like in other parts of the country, in particuluar, what went on during the elections. They were even so nice as to give me some of their recordings from around election time which will help greatly. Andrew and I even recorded promos for the station using our voices, lol! It was so much fun. We toured the national cultural center ( had to deal with annoying french speaking tourists who totally disrespected teh tour guide by talking and wandering around and complaining) and went to Kejetia Market and bought cloth, ate strange intestine like foods.... I got a chance to practice my poor twi a lot as well. Kumasi is a beautiful place. My father's family is from there, but unfortunately, due to family drama, I was forbidden from seeing them. Its a sad thing I have to deal with here. I dont like the fact that due to reasons beyond my control, Im restricted from one half of my identity. Here I am, half Ashanti, and I have to learn about my own culture just like a regular tourist? Its not right. Here I am with family, and I have to struggle to find a hotel or lodge on my own? It doesnt make sense. But all that is for another post.

Right now, I spend my days running interviews with journalists, media trainers, and the like, and in the evenings, I signed up for a radio and tv presentation course at the Ghana Institute of Journalism. For 150 Ghana Cedies, Im learning how to use my voice in Queen's standard English. This is the first time in my life where Im being told that my American English is not English, but slang!! What?! I was elected assistant Class Prefect, lol, meaning I have to take care of the class and voice their concerns to the professor when necessary. I dont know how I end up in these situations but I do. Partially Im doing this for my research. I want to find out how journalists are trained.

But on the other end, perhaps a part of me wants to improve my voice to actually work in the media....(DUN DUN DUNNN)

Stay tuned!
-Karen

Last week was one of the worst...

2009-01-30T09:00:00.002-06:00

It was last week ago thursday.....

I had my ipod, which has a powerful microphone attachment that I can use for recording purposes. I was attempting to transfer the files to my laptop through Itunes. I pressed Sync, not knowing that the fact that no files on Itunes means that itunes will replace all the files on Itune with what is on the computer.....

The computer erased my recordings from Nov. to Jan!!!! Almost 30 GB!!

I cried for about two days straight. How could I have been so dumb to do that? Why didnt I back up my files sooner? Why didnt I transcribe the interviews sooner? You know what goes on when things like this happen.....all sorts of defeatist and self deprecating thoughts cross your mind like...."Why the hell am I here?" "Can I even do this project?" "Why am I such an amateur?" Basically, I am now force to traipse around the radio stations and collect their recordings from around election time, which has led me to another conclusion..... People in the radio business keep poor records of their broadcasts and transcriptions, which will be a problem for those who attempt to do media research, and even for the stations themselves to monitor themselves. Its about to be a herculean task to go around teh country retreiving recordings, but ill do the best I can.

Ill say, with about 5 months left, that Ive become more focused on my project. I think that even though this mishap occured, its made me realize what is important for my peject and what is not. My thoughts and ideas are clearer, and I think what I want out of the research is more defined. I think without the recordings the data may not be as scientific as I would have liked, but I think it will still be good. As for the interviews I lost, I can reinterview, but unfortunately I cant get back the timing, the in the moment responses I would have gotten with teh elections hanging in the background. Ive also realized that even though CDD is great, I think I got too caught up in being an intern and being dragged into the election whirlwin that I didnt know what I was doing. But I am in talks with the African University College of Communications to set up an office there and make that my new base. It will be better, because there I willbe working with people who study media and who are training future journalists in communications and journalism. Its a better environment, I think.

But for now, im hustling, and after 5 months, parts of my project are taking shape. I have some great interviews back on record and some more good ones coming up. I think ill be okay.....

xoxox Karen

FRUSTRATED! Advice welcome.

2009-01-20T07:17:00.005-06:00

Okay, so I keep telling people there are pluses and minuses to staying with my family here in Ghana. I love them to death, and they have helped me in so many ways with this project, especially in 2007 when I was here on the Northwestern summer grant. But lately, I have been running into conflicts with them, concerning my goings out and my comings in.

I'm going to be 23 years old this year, and there are times where I'm still treated like I'm 13! Just last night, I went to visit someone who was ill and I came back around 1 or 2 am. This morning my grandma was upset like "Where were you so late, why? blah blah blah". Its true, I'm learning by Ghanaian standards that is late. But I make a point to tell the old lady (grandma) and the Uncle where Im going, and with whom. When I go, I try as much as possible to go with my driver, and when I have to take a taxi, I dont take it alone at night. Even most of my friends have numbers of taxi drivers they trust to call. Its come to a point where I dont go out to shows, or concerts because I'm so tired of either me being interrogated or my driver being interrogated about where I was or what I was doing. I dont even go out much with the Ghanaians I meet around. Even when I traveled to Cape Coast, my grandma was so scared, like " Take care of yourself! Dont go out at night!" etc etc....

I'm 22, I like to have fun. But at the same time, Ive been on my own long enough to know how to take care of myself. I realize I'm in a different culture, where I may not speak all the languages. But how am I supposed to learn about the culture when my family is so overprotective? I remember even when I first got here, my family wouldnt even let me cross the street by myself because "They know youre American, go with your cousin!" Its at a point where I dont even know my own neighborhood that well, or even have many connections with the people in my neighborhood because going around "isnt safe". Its getting ridiculous.

Im in a house where my Uncle is a pastor, and they run quite a strict household. I notice my teenage cousins dont go out, and their friends, if they have any, never come over. So perhaps to them, the few times I go out on the weekends, or the times I travel seems rebellious. Culture clash?

I dont do anything that I wouldnt do in a big city at home. But I dont know how to make them understand that in the States, people my age already have jobs and live out on their own. Its true, I know I have to respect them. But at the same time, I wish I could have a bit of freedom! I help pay for food, water, electricity and other things around the house. I dont think im being that unreasonable. But I wish they could understand that Im old enough to take care of myself. Hell, half this fulbright project is learning how to adjust to a new culture and learn about it. Im not saying all the learning to be done about Ghana is done after 1o pm or anything. But they forget that I lived for a while in Spain of all places, where I didnt fit in because of my skin color, and not a lot of people spoke English. And I survived. So why all this mess in a country which is essentially my homeland, where the people look like me, and most speak English?

Augghhh!

-Karen

New Year, new direction....

2009-01-19T04:44:00.003-06:00

Ive been on holiday from CDD for the past two weeks or so, and Ive realized Ive had so much more time to focus on my own project. Ive gotten more contacts at Radio Gold (Pro NDC station) , more contacts with others in the media, gone on interviews, etc etc. Ive been contacted by the African University College of Communication to come on board with a project that is being funded by the World Bank to look at coverage in the media of developmental issues during the election period. This could be something really huge for me to do, and its right in my research interest alley. But I have to remember not to overload myself. I did get an opportunity to take a little bit of a break to visit one of the other Fulbrighters in Cape Coast not too long ago. She took me along on some of her interviews and I was inspired by how passionate she was about her project and about the future plans she had for her work. Not that Im not passionate about the media, but I think for the past months leading up to the elections, I was distracted by alot of things. CDD has been a great place, but honestly, a lot of the (hard) work I did for them had nothing to do with my project. I got so caught up with elections, I didnt really have the time or the space mentally to focus on my own project. So Ive decided to reduce my time at CDD drastically.

So now, Im trying to make up for lost time. Im trying to go on more interviews, more recorded interviews, for sure. I dont know what my problem is, but sometimes, I dont record my interviews and just resort to taking notes. And then I look back at my notes, and Im like, what was I doing? Im going to do more in terms of getting quality audio, just so that I can transcribe better.

Im learning that I have to really be an independent self starter with this project. Its not like college or high school where you have professors or teachers checking up on you like "How is your paper coming" or "Remember there is an exam coming up". Here there are no deadlines, no tests, no one checking up on you. I bet the whole time could pass by before someone from my family or friends is like, "Oh yea, by the way, what did you find about about phone in radio?" Sometimes I get discouraged. There is sooo much to learn about the media here. I didnt get my degree in journalism, and there are times I feel like im in over my head.There are also times where I wonder, what am I doing this for? Do I want to take all this research and go back to the States and get a MA/PhD and just begin the academic track? Do I just want to leave here and go back and use the Fulbright as leverage to get me into a good law school? Or do I want to stay here in Ghana, and work more in the media?? Because honestly, fam, this is what Ive always dreamed of doing. Doing research abroad....in radio? Its been something Ive wanted to do since high school. And I beleive in my heart that media and communication will be the thing to study in Africa and other so called "developing nations".

Not only do I really need to buckle down on getting a decent project, but I need to think about my future....

I mean, Ive gotten a lot of information. Theres no way I dont have anything. But will it make sense? Am I missing something? But all I can do is do my best and pull out all the stops right?

xoxoxKaren

THANK GOD THE ELECTIONS ARE OVER...

2009-01-05T07:06:00.003-06:00

Ive emerged from the election abyss......

NDCs prof. John Evans Atta Mills was declared the president elect on Saturday, the 3rd of Jan, after a long drawn out election. For those of you who dont know, Dec. 28th was the runoff between Atta Mills of the NDC and Akufo- Addo of the NPP. Though the Dec 28th polls came through with Atta Mills with a slim lead over Akufo-Addo, 1 constituency, Tain in the Brong Ahafo Region did not vote. Thus a reelection was held in Tain on Friday the 2nd. Even with Tain's results, it was clear that NDC gained the mandate of the people (look, Im becoming Ghanaian....using "mandate"). I think the NPP made some key tactical mistakes in their campaign and took the electorate for granted. People were ready for a change, that is for sure.

I spent the good part of the week "embedded" at various radio stations. I was there at the station when Joy FM made the controversial projection for NDC. I was there when Citi FM was going around reporting from some of the polling stations. I was at the Electoral commission when the results were finally announced. I was there with pro-NDC Radio Gold immediately after the Electoral Commission announced, and masses of NDC supporters surrounded the station, singing, dancing and jubilating.

Im so glad and thankful to God the elections were peaceful. Its true, vicious rumors, inflammatory statements, and allegations did make their way onto the airwaves. If I could do a cursory grading of the media, I would give it a C+/B-. Various stations and print houses were obviously biased, airing unsubstatioated rumours, using militant rhetoric and playing music that was obviously used to rally the people for a particular party. Its true, even my being at the radio stations during this sensitive time was not 100% safe. There were reports of journalists being attacked and beaten by angry party supporters who viewed their media house as being biased for calling against the NPP. There were rumors of threats against radio stations, notably the threat to burn down Peace FM, and the allegations that police were coming to shut down Radio Gold. I tried to stay away from the EC for the most part, and chose not to go to Tain, just to make sure I would be safe.

I have so much audio to go through and transcribe its not even funny. So many interviews to go through.... I just want to take a break and travel...sit on a beach, hike a mountain, swim, see an animal park....I dont know....just to get out of Accra.

Wow, its been a month...

2008-12-17T10:21:00.004-06:00

Hi people...

Its been a long long time. Things are good, finally. For those of you who didnt know, Ghana had a little election about some 1 and a half weeks ago. The election was preceeded by a lot of political tension, excitement and fear. People were wondering...would the elections be peaceful? Would voting go smoothly? Would there be any rigging? Would the losing parties accept defeat?

December 7-9 came and went with little reports of violence or other election mishaps. However, there shall be a runoff on 28 December, as the two leading presidential candidates failed to achieve the requisite 50% + majority. Thus, there shall be no Christmas for me!

During the elections, I was privileged to have access to the CODEO (Coalition of Domestic Election Obserservers) headquarters. CODEO is the largest election observation team in Ghana, comprised of 4000 members and headed by CDD. So for about 4-5 days straight, I helped with organizing the various press conferences, comprising media lists, etc. It was hectic!! The night of Dec. 7th, I was up for 24 hours straight with Joy FM, trailing the radio journalists as they traveled from poll station to poll station, and was up with them as they compiled the ballot counting from their regional correspondents all over the country. I was lucky to be with them, as technically, I didnt have Election Commission accredication to be at the polls. The second night of the 8-9, I Was with Citi FM up all night with them as they covered the figures coming in from the country. I ended up sleeping at the house of one of the morning show presenters!! And then on the 9 or 10, I cant remember, I was back to another Press conference as CODEO announced the results of their observations.

A runoff, no holds barred. For my views on the runoff and the election, thats another post

Crazy crazy. And I have to do it all over again in about 2 weeks. Which is why I took the last 4 days off to do my nails, my hair, get a facial, sleep, and eat and chill. And then I will restrategize for my own project all over again. I think that I have been focusing too much on CDD, and not enough on my own project. I hope to correct that for the runoff. Otherwise, things are okay. Still dating a certain Malawi radio personality, but my dealings with the men here is a whole 'nother post. In fact I need to post about:

People's reaction to my identity (Am I American? Ghanaian? American-Ghanaian, Ghanaian American? Diasporan? Ashanti? Ga? Yoruba?)

My failure to assimilate sometimes (So what I like being able to get manicures and pedicures and eat hamburgers and sushi??)
Pluses and minuses of staying with family

More updates coming soon!!

xoxoxKaren

Heck-Tick, Heck-Tick

2008-11-12T10:00:00.002-06:00

Alright, so im hitting a bit of a rough stretch until the elections so bear with me. The elections are in about 25, 26 days or so. This week, what am I doing at the CDD?

Helping to organize a press conference for those who will be involved in election observation for Dec. 6th
Helping to Prep the election observers spokespersons for dealing with the press and media
Helping to organize the Parliamentary candidates' debates in Accra for next week
Travelling to Tamale again next weekened with the Media Policy project for a review session with the journalists

And then theres still my project with the radio. When I can, I go to the radio stations to interview/observe. Every morning, I try to record audio from the phone in shows, but lately its been hard, so I am a little concerned about how that is going to work. Last night I went to observe the presidential debates from the CITI FM newsroom, but I was so tired I couldnt really think straight to take good notes or offer any good feedback. Tonight, there is a press dinner I will attend hosted by Nana Akuffo Addo, the NPP candidate for the presidency, and the incumbent. I mean, its awesome that I find myself having access to some of these things. .

But at the same time, its a lot of work. I'm gaining a reputation for being a work-aholic! I dont have time much to spend travelling or with family and friends. I'm banking that post election time will be less hectic. Im doing what I can to stay healthy and full of energy to push through the next 3 weeks or so.

To date on a Fulbright year or Not to date on a Fulbright year...

2008-11-10T09:55:00.003-06:00

Uh...... I guess the question could speak for itself without going into too much detail! ;)

xoxoxKaren

Part 2....

2008-11-08T16:41:00.002-06:00

Barack Obama.......

Nov. 4th, 2008 was a day I will never forget. Chicago, Washington, New York, we were watching you here from Accra. We here in Ghana, Ghanaians, Americans, Europeans, every one of us, we were watching. We cheered with each state Obama picked up. We were beyond elated when Republican strongholds such as Florida, Pennsylvania, Virginia and Ohio went to Obama. When CNN projected Obama as the winner, I saw people hugging, kissing, and crying. Then the crowd rushed to the front of the large projector screen and began to dance to Blakk Rasta's Barack Obama song. It was incredible. When McCain conceeded, we hushed to listen. Although some members of the crowd attempted to boo, the majority of the crowd hushed them up. I wanted to hear McCain's speech because in a democracy, elections are just as much about the losers as they are about the winners. I found McCain to be more gracious and classy in defeat than he ever was duiring the campaign. Although members of the audience were obviously upset, you could tell that McCain had had enough of the negativity from his own party. And when Obama took the stage, we cried. When the crowd in Chicago chanted, "Yes we can!", we in Accra were chanting, 200 strong, right with you. When Michelle and the kiddies came on stage, we squealed and clapped. When you guys in Chicago applauded, we were applauding right with you. It was truly a moving moment, a global moment, and I was so so so proud to have the opportunity to watch it from across the Atlantic, in the continent of Obama's forbears.

I was ALSO SUPER GEEKED TO BE A GUEST ON JOY FM'S election COVERAGE PROGRAM FOR THE NIGHT! I was also a guest panelist on Citi Fm's show the next day....giving my analysis of the election results and what it would mean for Americans.

In the eve of Ghana's elections, I see that Ghana views the US elections as an example of change coming to a country. Every politician with the obvious exception of the incumbent party sees themselves as the "Obama" candidate." The NDC, the main opposition party is allegedly is using Obama's image on party paraphanelia.

I have the pictures and video to prove it, but not the fast internet connection to handle the transfer......So check my Facebook page for now.

LONG TIME.....and so much has happened.. (Part1)

2008-11-06T06:34:00.006-06:00

....that much is obvious.

Let me start out by saying that my schedule has gotten even crazier. I have really been meaning to take time to write and digest all thats been going on with me here in Ghana. There are times that I am at the CDD til 7 pm at night. But let me begin by detailing the past two days, Nov. 3 and Nov. 4th, days I will never, ever, ever forget and I can say that I am truly blessed to be alive during these times.

Nov. 3rd- I got a call from the Embassy to give a presentation on Election day, Nov. 4th. I was asked to speak about my perspective as an American comparing the Ghanaian and American debates. I agreed, excitedly. I went to work in the Afternoon, and attended an election reporting conference in the evening. I didnt get home until 9 pm, and I did not have much time to prepare. I think I was up until 3, 4 am. The next day, I went to the office in the morning to print my notes and make some changes. I left for the Embassy at around noon. I was thinking this event was going to be a small, in-house embassy discussion.

Boy was I wrong.

I got to the room where the panels where and immediately saw TV crews, radio personnel, and reporters from the Ghanaian media crowding the room. At the front of the room, the panelists sat with microphones and recorders. I immediately freaked out and ran to the Internet resource center to really prep my notes, since I arrived early. Why the Embassy failed to tell me that the "in-house discussion" was really a media centered event escapes me. But I was glad I did it. I sat on the panel with Jean Mensah, director of the Institute for Economic Affairs, the organization that organized the Ghanaian Presidential debates, and Ebo Quansah, with the Ghanaian Times, who covered the debates in Oxford, Mississippi. I was nervous at first, but I got through the panel. My mother, fellow Fulbrighters, and CDD colleagues were in attendance. But that was only the beginning of my 48 hour minor celebrity status in Ghana.....

Jeez

2008-10-13T11:56:00.002-05:00

Its just one of those days again....days where things dont really go wrong, but dont really go right either. Things I wanted to accomplish I couldnt, and all I really did was pile on more obligations for tomorrow. Put on top of that the fact that Im aware somethings back home arent going correctly. A part of me is frustrated with the project and the way things are going with the radio research and such. My twi, while I know more than before, which was nothing...its still terrible. I try and try to balance my CDD work with the radio project, and its not quite right yet. Pair that with minor personal frustrations with people and its just no bueno. I sometimes want everything to be under control and things to be efficient and perfect, but Im going to have to realize its not going to happen the way I want it to all the time.

I need some ice cream. Or a shopping trip. Sometimes I wish I could just hop on a plane to go home for some McDonalds and Haagendazs and some good movies.....

Boxing....!

2008-10-07T08:42:00.006-05:00

iSo here is my first boxing post. Around spring quarter of my final year, I saw a flyer on Northwestern's grounds for the boxing club. I played sports in high school and due to a busy schedule during undergrad, I rarely had time for organized, normal club sports. (Or maybe I just didnt "make time"). Anyhoo, I'd always been curious about boxing, so I signed up. The first practice was absolute murder. I had been going to the gym pretty regularly, but I wasnt prepared for the type of workout we had on the first day. A ton of jumping jacks, squats and other warmup, followed by a mile run around the block, followed by endless jumproping and THEN we worked on punching technique. After that were more drills with the bag. Absolutely nuts.

But you know what, I went back. Most of the girls had dropped from that first session. But even though the workouts were intense, I really wanted to learn what this sport was about, and why I was so drawn to it. I ordered myself a pair of pink(!) boxing gloves and wraps and signed up for the club. Its a shame I was a senior. I really wish I could have had the time to train and to have competed.

To me, boxing is a pure sport. It taught me a lot of lessons in life. First off, it seems to be a sport that is more about discipline and mental toughness than one might think. Boxing is tiring if you arent in the right shape, and its easy to want to give up on hitting a target when your arms are dead tired and sweat is stinging your eyes. I dont know how naturally gifted I am technically when it comes to boxing, but the one thing I have going for me is that I hate giving up for any reason. You have to be sharp because unlike other sports that have all sorts of safeguards against players causing injury to another person, in boxing, if you take a hit to the face, sucks for you because you didnt guard yourself well. You take your licks, and learn to keep your hands up next time. Boxing is a pure sport because you dont have the added bells and whistles of special equipment, balls,fancy venues, rinks or courts, or teammates that get in your way. All you have is you against the other person. Its an intimate activity, in a sense. You study how the person moves from right to left, where their weaknesses are, where their strengths are. And be sure, they are studying you. Your sweat is on them, theirs is on you...you cant get much closer than that. Its fascinating.

As for being a girl with boxing, sure people dont believe I really like boxing. "Its so violent!" or.."Your pink gloves are so stupid!!" But believe, those are the same people, both guys and girls, who come up to me like....."Can you teach me a few things?" or "Hey, lemme try on the gloves!" As a girl, it sort of teaches me that its okay to sweat and work hard and try something different. Sure it was awkward having to spar with guys. But more so because I wanted to do well...I didnt want for the boys to "take it easy on Peaches (my nickname) because shes a princess". I wasnt there for the aerobics. If I wanted cardio, I would stay home and pop in a Tae Bo DVD. I wanted to learn to be a fighter.

Boxing is super confrontational, and there are a lot of times in life where I hold back from asserting power, whether that be in taking control of my own life, or even in the ring where at first I was reluctant to hit hard. But again, boxing has taught me that its all about balance. You dont spend the whole fight swinging as hard as you can every chance you get. Youll get tired and weaken yourself. You have to mix in some quick jabs to conserve your energy and keep your opponent at a distance for a time. Just some lessons...

Here in Ghana, boxing is huge. Ive made it my secondary, or maybe tertiary goal to do a little investigating of my own as to what it would be like as a girl to train here. I see that here, almost absolutely no women box. I brought my gloves, Im super serious. My goal is to find a place where I could train, and write about how they react to me there, and whether this plan will work at all. So far, Ive heard the boxers train in Bukom, a slum not too far from Accra. The only issue is, im not sure how, uh, safe it would be for me to go there on my own. Also I heard that the boys can be a bit rowdy. I'm brave, but not completely nuts. But I will keep yall posted!

xoxoxKaren

Back from Tamale!

2008-10-06T04:51:00.002-05:00

Ive been gone to the Northern Region for the past few days on a work trip with the CDD. From Accra to the North is 10 hours of driving! And thats making good time. The thing is, the roads can be bad, accidents are frequent, and the lack of adequate lighting makes travelling by night a poor course of action. For this reason, its very common to have Ghanaians who live in the South all of their lives and never make the trip up North to Tamale, Bolgatanga, and the like.

The stereotype about people in Northern Ghana is that they are violent, aggressive people who are not too enlightened about what goes on in the South. And it is true that so far, the few bouts of political violence occurred in the North, in Tamale and Gushiegu. And it was in the North that people advocated for phone ins to be banned in 2004 during those elections. For my trip, I was helping to educate the Northern journalists on how to cover the elections peacefully. We briefed print and radio journalists on conflict reporting, issues of good governance, and economics. It was a successful turnout, and I am working on the report now.

Speaking of reports, Im starting to feel a bit....taxed. My project alone is a lot to think about, and now I find myself working on a lot of other things with the CDD. Tommorow, for instance, I have to do a report from the weekend, finish working on the account budget, work on a newspaper monitoring assignment, and then potentially work on something for the Election Watchers here at the CDD. Jeez. I may take some time off to really refocus myself and think about how I want to spend my time here. Im a people pleaser, so sometimes its hard for me to say no when Mr. XYZ needs help with something in the office. But at the same time, I have a Fulbright project to do. The last thing I want to do is feel burnt out by the experience. I didnt travel across the Atlantic to be stressed out! I can do that very well in the United States!

Photos! Wait just kidding.

2008-10-01T07:43:00.003-05:00

So I thought that blogger would let me upload the photos, but the connection is super slow. Anyway, yesterday was a holiday so I went to the beach with one of the Fulbright teachers and some of his friends. I'll tell you, swimming in Accra is not this leisurely floating-while-sipping-a-mai-tai-and-reading sort of thing. The currents are strong, the winds were high, the water is murky and the waves were coming right after another. Even if an experienced swimmer is out there, the water would be sure to have its way with you. Its the kind of oppressive water that will knock you off your feet, knock you into people, and will knock your suit right off. The water just......knocks!!

Back to work! (Yeah, Im at work right now!)

xoxoxKaren

Sorry, its been a while...

2008-09-29T15:35:00.004-05:00

Its been a while since I updated, partly my fault, for Ive been super busy. But also BLOGGER"S FAULT, since it deleted my post >:(. But a lot has happened in the past week, being my first week at the CDD!!

I love it so far. I really like the people, and Ive really come to realize that I've been blessed with this opportuinity to work with the media Monitoring project. In a nutshell I get to travel with the Media team to different parts of the country to train the journalists on covering more political issues more effectively with the upcoming elections. Last week, I was in Accra. Yesterday evening, I traveled to Ho in the Volta region to observe the presentation the CDD gave to the journalists this morning. It was quite nice, having an all expenses paid trip (hotel/food) to go and do research, in a sense. I took notes on the proceedings, and I will spend tomorrow, a holiday (Eid al-Fitr, I think?) typing the notes. This Friday, I will make a looooong trip all the way to Tamale to do a workshop for the media there. Ive never been to the North before. I hear that the North is a completely different world than Im used to here in Southern Ghana. Its about to bne a real eye opener.

Outside of work, things have been good. I hang out with the other Fulbrighters, going for dinner, concerts with the Embassy and the diplomatic contingent, plays, shows, and the like. Ive found a gym, so I can keep in shape, which is nice. I'm slowly getting used to waking up hella early like everyone does here.

So far, no marriage proposals coming my way, haha.

Otherwise, I have been keeping a close eye on whats going on in America. All these banks are falling like a house of cards! I often find myself fielding questions about what is going on with the banking crisis, especially with the people I work with in the media. "How did this happen?", "How will this affect Americans?", "Is this because of greed?" Questions like that. I also field a lot of questions about the elections. Of course, if Ghana could vote in the US elections, its easy to think who would carry here. I field a lot of questions/comments like, "Why do Americans like ignorant people (referring to Palin)?", "Are there still racists who wont vote for Obama?", "Obama will be much better for America, he is an inspiration, a sign that Americans arent stuck in their ways!" I know that if Obama doesnt win, or if the vote is really close, I will have to answer a lot of difficult questions. But I do the best I can.

This Fulbright thing is shaping up to be more fun than I expected! I'm really picking up some of the language, getting used to the food, learning my way around, and making a lot of new friends. Now that I'm figuring out my schedule, Ill send more updates.

Hope all is well with you guys!

xoxoKaren

PS Omg, pictures this week, I PROMISE!!!

lots to think about

2008-09-20T12:28:00.002-05:00

its been a crazy week. Well kinda.... I met with my friends from Citi FM this week to say goodbye to my friend benard from last year, who hosts the award winning breakfast show. He left for the UK today. But I did get a chance to meet the new host of the show. Hes been quite nice, and hes taking me to see a comedy show at the national theatre in a couple of hours. Fun times!

My mom and I bought a cute little green car and hired a driver for transport. A car, a used one, is around 6000 dollars, so its not bad. But now Im having second thoughts about riding around in a hired car all the time. This is the first time ill be LIVING here. Whenever we come, theres a certain shelteredness and isolation we have when I travel with family. "Dont go out! Its not safe!", "Ghana is dangerous!" This is coming from my mom. While I acknowlege that you do have to be smart about your affairs, this time I dont want to be housed in when I stay home, and shuttled around when I want to go out. I want to explore Ghana by myself, to really be immersed in the culture. I mean, thats what i did in Spain, right?

Second Week

2008-09-15T15:34:00.003-05:00

Allo allo! I tried to post yesterday, but my time at the internet cafe ran out. Booo. But here begins my second full week in Ghana. Im pretty much over the jet lag, and so far I am concentrating on solidifiying what my schedule will look like for this project. I went to the Center for Democratic Development today and guess what? I start work at 8 am sharp next monday! Its looking like I will be working with their media and governing sector. Pretty excited about that. Im also pretty excited about the fact that Ill get to catch up with an old friend, Benard Avleh from the Citi FM breakfast show tommorrow. Hopefully he can catch me up to speed with whats been going on with the radio since last I left. That way, I can adjust my project.

The election season is crazyyy. The race is on between the sitting NPP party and the NDC, the party of the last president. Every newspaper, every radio station is sort of doing a double task, urging the public to remain peaceful and calm, but at the same time, these media outlets are still publishing unsubstatiated rumors and inflammatory remarks. I hope that things will remain peaceful for sure. I'll try to see if I can get to some of the political rallies/peace marches. Pray for Ghana!

Things I'm not excited about: Ummm.....well...1) No matter how much I try I cant get to liking Banku. 2) The Mosquitoes 3) The mosquitoes, 4) the mosquitoes 5) Random electricity/water shutoffs 6) The fact that Im eating wayyy too much 7) Missing Gossip girl...

But these are all minor things, lol. I think this is going to be a great trip. I think Ill stay with my family, despite my previous reservations. I thought that I wanted to be on my own, to have my own space, but really its good to have people around who I can talk to and ask questions about how to get around. In Ghana, it seems its all about having people around you can trust when youre an obroni like me (Yes, Obroni is not just for white people, its for people like me as well...more on that later).

On another note, I brought my boxing gloves. Ghana is known for its great boxers. I wonder if they will let me practice at one of the gyms. Women dont really fight here, so maybe men will think it weird...call it a side project if you will.

Thats all for now!
xoxoxKaren

In Ghana!!

2008-09-11T12:32:00.004-05:00

Hi all!

I'm finally in Accra. I arrived late sunday, after taking a plane from Dallas to Amsterdam, then Amsterdam to Accra. Wasn't a bad flight at all. Being the impatient one that I am, I sort of convinced the officer in the immigration/custom line to let me through the Diplomat line to go through customs, teling them I was "with the Embassy". Which I was, right? Kinda? Okay, not really. But it worked!

The next day, I went with my mom to the embassy to be briefed on some matters like visas and permits and such. This is probably the first time Ive ever gone to another country and gone to the Embassy. This is definitely the first time where Im constantly reminded that I'm on an American program in Ghana. We are expected to attend Embassy events and connect with the expat community and such. Its kinda cool, puts a different spin on the experience. At the end of the month, all the Fulbrighters will convene for a more thorough orientation.

I havent really delved into my project yet. I'm waiting for a car, then I will hopefully be able to start next week at the CDD. So far this week, I've been taking everything in, and hanging out with the family and cousins. I'll have plenty of time to run around doing my project. But for now, before they are off to school, its nice to hang around and talk to everyone.

Oh and I'm learning Twi! Slowly but surely!

I'll try to post as often as I can, but Im finding out that I dont really fancy sitting in front of a computer all the time. That post about being addicted to internet? Yea, I was wrong. Real life is so much better. I'll try to post pictures too. Luckily there is an internet cafe across from my house. Hope all is well with everyone in the States. I took a moment to remember Sept 11th this morning, and I hope everyone did the same.

Ciao!

xoxoxKaren

"L'Ultima Notte"...(The last night)

2008-09-06T02:27:00.002-05:00

This is it.

This is my last night in the States for a while, y'all. Today, I finished off my packing, took the car in to get serviced, and made sure everything was closed with my U.S. accounts. Ive been cleaning house for the past couple of hours, taking a break to eat (sushi of course) with my dad for the last time for a while.

But I cant go to sleep. My flight leaves in 12 hours. All of a sudden, I feel out of sorts. It doesnt make sense. Ive been to Ghana several times. Ive done research on this subject before. I have plenty of family over there. I have plenty of support, and really, a year isnt that long. And dont get me wrong, I thank God everyday for this opportunity.

But I cant help thinking sometimes, "What the heck am I doing going halfway around the world?! How did I get here?" I'm scared. Of what, exactly, I dont know. In many cases, this will be the first time I'll be on my own, and there are certain decisions I am facing that I have to deal with. But I have faith that Ill be able to dig deep and have a great time and learn a lot.

But I will miss everyone soooooooooo much! Scratch that, I already miss people, especially my pals/girls/partners in crime at NU, and the CES crew in DeSoto (I put on for my city), you guys are my <3.

If youre out there, and youre reading, leave comments or shoot me a message! I love to hear from yall and I hope you keep up with my adventures in Africa!

xoxoxo Karen

And on another Note

2008-09-04T00:25:00.002-05:00

DID THE U.S. JUST INVADE PAKISTAN WHILE WE WERE ALL WATCHING THE RNC?!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26522492

"US Confirms Incursion into Pakistan"

Lord, help us all. This would be major news if it wasnt for Palin's speech, right? Is..is this the true reason why Bush and Cheney stayed in Washington? *SMDH*

3 days left....Why does the Republican National Convention make me want to Leave the US sooner?

2008-09-03T23:25:00.004-05:00

Hey lovelies,

So I have a few days left in the US of A. Three to be exact. I find myself in a weird place emotionally with the departure. On one end, I find myself reminiscing about college, and about the good times I had at Northwestern with my friends. I'm going to miss the late night heart to hearts, wasting time in the Library, spending way too much time in the Black House, the Foster, Noyes, and Davis El stops, and Sashimi Sashimi. I find myself looking at my old coats and thinking that I'll even miss the winters (gasp!). At this point, Ill have to adjust to being without the more, uh, shallow things in life, like Gossip Girl and America's next top model, and Sephora. I should live, right?

But watching this Republican Convention I realize that both Ghana and the US share one thing:

SUPER HEATED ELECTION SEASONS!

I dont know if any of you watched the speeches tonight. Rudy Giuliani and Sarah Palin both delivered speeches that went heavy on the attacks on Obama and his experience. Giuliani said, and this is not a direct quote: "Here we have a gifted man (Obama), Ivy league educated, and he goes into community organizing?!" * Laughs derisively* The audience also begins laughing.
Palin threw similar barbs concerning Obama's service in South Side Chicago.

This is probably the first time where I have been furious as a result of politics and inflammatory rhetoric. I took the words personally, to heart, as if someone had insulted me and what I believed in. If it was not for Fulbright, I would be a community organizer, with the Chicago Federation of Labor, a position was excited about! How DARE THEY! My stress response levels still havent come down. My cheeks were burning! What was going on?

To a certain extent, I understand why politics can cause so many problems in other parts of the world. After watching the speech, I was furious with the Republicans. I felt my mind morph into an Us/Vs them mentality. I couldn't help but think that these people were against everything I stood for, which is social justice, anti-war, and diversity. So I gathered my weapons and fought back. Meaning, Im blogging, AIMing, Facebooking. I'm voicing my discontent online. In other parts of the world, Ghana included, people resort to other means. Violent political rallies, jailings and assasinations can be the fallout from politics in other parts of the world. Usually we think that its underdeveloped, barbaric nations that resort to violence during heated political times.

But sitting here, listening to some of those speeches, I wished I could deliver my pink gloved left hook to some of those right wingers.

Politics, like religion, can stir up something deep within us. Both say something about the fundamental way we organize our lives, how we manage resources, how we manage our bodies, our property, and how we manage ourselves in relation to others and society. I regret that we in this country have succumbed to partisanship, the exact thing that George Washington feared when delivering his farewell speech. After the speeches today, I see that this election will be nasty. Whoever wins and is sworn in in January, there will be a lot of hurt feelings to assuage. It makes for great TV and media coverage, but I dont know if this is what is best for the country, such divisiveness.

Looks I have another angle to view the Ghana elections with.

xoxoKaren

How will I stalk people while I'm abroad?

2008-08-27T17:04:00.007-05:00

Okay so here is one of my biggest challenges about going to Ghana for a while is going to be dealing with my addiction(s) to social networking sites, blogs, personal webpages and instant messenger application. I'm a gadget fiend. I have two ipods, have owned more than 7 or 8 cell phones, and have had two laptops in the past 4 years. You can chat with me on Gchat (two gchat accounts), AIM, Facebook and Skype. ( I USED to have Yahoo chat and ICQ) I have a blog, a Myspace and a Facebook account. And this is barring my old LiveJournal and Xanga.

So this information could mean several things. 1) Maybe I waste my money on too much stuff. 2) Maybe I have too much free time on my hands 3) I'm just so damn cute and popular, I must make a way to communicate with all of my fans and adoring subjects! 4) I am using these online interfaces to span my thoughts and ideas through what Arjun Appadurai calls the "technoscape" no longer needing to mind the limits of time and space, which are undergoing compression in this age of accelerated global flows and disjuctures.

Or maybe its a mix of all those sauces.

Anyway, I like feeling connected. I like knowing whats going on in the lives of my friends, family, friends of friends, siblings of friends, classmates, professors, co-workers, family friends, acquantainces, old schoolmates, one time hookups, the-person-you-liked-but-never-had-the-balls-to-act-on-it, exes, ex-flings, ex-flings of my ex-flings, the library janitor, the bus driver, as well as the friendly neighborhood SharPei named Chan Chan (He has 552 friends on Facebook) Point is: I'm a stalker.

I like to know what people are up to, what they are spending their time doing, or thinking about. I like to know their favorite things, bands, movies, their zodiac sign, and maybe "What Type of Sex and the City Character??" they score on those quizzes. Yea, with internet, I dont even need to talk to you to know these things about your life! Sweet and easy access to information. Or maybe it works the other way around. Maybe if I put up my interests, and you get a basic glimpse into who I am (at least at school) as a person and what I like, maybe its advertising to make people want to get to know you. Facebook/Myspace and the like act like "preview". You can see my profile and get a preview of me, like a movie trailer. If you like what you see, you can invest more (read: like, actually engaging me in conversation) and then, you shall receive more. Simple.

But on the other hand, maybe my dad is right. He posits that people who post online in blogs and journals and such are only in it for the ego. ( Ouch Daddy) Could be true. But I argue that perhaps the explosion in online networking, blogging, facebooking and myspacing is in contrast to what I would call the Cult(ure) of Privacy. Lets face it, in America, we are OBSESSED WITH PRIVACY.

Or at least we were.America is obsessed with privacy when it comes to mental health, phyisical health, disclosure of my school grades, gender orientation, STD testing, political affiliation, survey and questionnaire responses, telephone conversations, my activities online, boxers vs briefs, and female weight. We lamented at how certain government initiatives began to monitor ordinary citizens as an invasion of our Cult(ure) of Privacy. The first order of the CoP is that Americans, who prize individualism as a cornerstone of progress and democracy, are entitled to live their lives completely free of prying eyes and ensuing public judgment.

But are we starting to see the light and convert from this Cult(ure)? People now do not hesistate about posting their addresses, cell phone numbers, class schedules, gender orientations, political affliations, or their employment history. I can see whether youre in a relationship, or when you're single. I can also browse through your pictures and see that clearly while drunk last weekend, you Kissed a girl at the Keg and you liked it, and because of that your life must be so much cooler than mine. Even though we moan and whine about how the government is encroaching on our privacy, we live in a world where we ( me included) are obssessed with celebrity weight, eating disorders, pregancies, drug abuses. The fact that we have paparazzi willing to buy high powered lenses to get pictures of celebs flashing NSFW body parts exiting cars, sunbathing, picking their noses, and stuffing their faces, and furthermore get paid millions for some of these shots leads me to believe that we don't buy into the doctrines of our own Cult(ure) of Privacy.

Where is this coming from, this eagerness to share (read: overshare) about ourselves and our lives and stalk other peoples? Perhaps has this Cul(ture) of Privacy has eroded away our simple notions of community and connectedness and as a result, maybe we are trying to get it back? Or are we just self-obsessed narcissists?

Yup, the parents are looking for you too. Thought Mommy was computer illiterate eh?

Ciao,
Karen

2 Weeks out...!

2008-08-25T15:09:00.003-05:00

Okay, so time is running out. I just got back from Atlanta last night, and I'm slowly freaking out as my time here in the US is coming to an end for a good while. Ive spent the last couple of months playing around in great cities like Chicago, Dallas, and Atlanta ( I wish I could have made the New York trip) and I think I'm going to miss America! More so for the fact that my friends and family are here. My family and I spent the last couple of days in Atlanta dropping my little sister off at Emory for her freshman year....and it just reminded me of all the changes that seem to be occuring at once this year....Im the first kid to graduate, now Im off to Africa for 10 months and now she, the baby, is off to start her adult life (sniff). Too much, too much!

Alright so, heres whats been done:

-Got my textbooks in. I ordered several broadcasting books in Africa, Communication research strategies, press freedom in Africa, etc etc. I dont think i'll be sending them through the diplomatic pouch, but maybe I'll just pay the extra fee to have another bag. I dont wanna have to wait six weeks for my books. I should have ordered and shipped them a long time ago.

- Gotta start taking the anti-malarial drugs this week

-Got my laptop all nice and fixed and pretty. Still gotta buy protective gear to keep dust and the like out.

-Got the medical records

-Got the GSM phone in the mail

I cant really think of anything else pressing I need to do right now. Besides get a swimsuit. And a towel. And facewash.

Toodles,
Karen

About 3 weeks out

2008-08-20T14:29:00.004-05:00

Its been a while, but yes I have a little less than three weeks left until I'm in Ghana.

BTW, I had a blast at my little birthday party on Friday in Deep Ellum, Dallas. Cant go wrong with three of my favorite things in life, sushi, hookah, and sake bombs! I'll post about it later. As well as some other things that happened this weekend. But I digress.

As for my preparations, things are looking a little more....."real". I got my first Fulbright check in the mail (!!!) to set up expenses like housing, food, transportation and equipment. I'm all set with my visas. Ghana granted me a 5 year multiple entry visa which is awesome. Who knows, maybe they want me to work there in the future, lol. I've secured my health records, my quadband GSM phone. I'm still waiting for some textbooks Ive ordered in the mail that will help with my project. One thing about my project that is semi -exciting and semi scary is that there isnt a TON of information out there that has been written in the West about how the African media works. So while the other Fulbrighters talk of shipping boxes upon boxes of textbooks, I guess I'm not in that position. I will have to send the textbooks ahead of me in what they call the U.S. diplomatic pouch. Unfortunately my laptop is in the shop with multiple wears and tears so I hope that it can get as spiffy as possible before I leave. I'm a little nervous about bringing a Mac after my mishap last year, but Ive made double sure to have every thing backed up.

Other than that its a matter of beginning to think about what to pack in terms of clothes and other things. I've never been in Ghana during the dry season before, so this will be a new experience with the heat. And of course, being a girl, I have to strategize about my hair. Braids it will be for the first couple of months!

Alright, ill be in Atlanta for the next couple of days helping my sister move into Emory. But yea, these are the last few weeks y'all! :) :D :0

-Karen

Unfortunately...

2008-08-14T16:07:00.000-05:00

As revelatory and fun my birthday was on Tuesday, Wednesday was a completely opposite story. All the sparkles, glitter and rainbows from the 12th were replaced by some tough realities on the 13th. Probably the crappiest day I've had in a while.

I dont want to get into details of what happened yesterday, but all I can say is that I'm tired. Tired of trying to do or to be what everyone else thinks I should do or be. I'm even tired of myself, trying to become what I think I should be. Because unfortunately many times who you think you should be is often inextricably attached to what you think people think of you. Does that make any sense? Its like taking those quizzes like uhh..... "WHAT KIND OF FLIRT ARE YOU??" and only picking the "B)" responses because you know in the end, "B)" r that will make you look like "Congratulations, youre a Super Sexy Flirt!!". But in reality, youre a mixture of the "A", "B" and "C" responses, which leaves you with: "Congratulations, You're a Send-Men-Running-and-Screaming type of Flirt!!" or maybe, "Congratulations!! Youre a Coldhearted-Prudish-Gamekiller type of Flirt!!" No one wants people to think of themselves as one of the last two answers.

I'm not the type to quit, but this time around, I give up on trying. I'm folding. Theres no amount of fighting or trying that I can do to change certain things. For certain people, no amount of doing or trying on my part will please them. Theres no amount of conformity or rebellion that will do it, because in either case, I'm accepting that there is a standard, or a point or a level that I should be at. So the choice is to either conform to that standard, or rebel against it. I've done both......and...I'm tired. So I'm going to fall back...and just be.

Happy Birthday to me!

2008-08-12T11:25:00.000-05:00

Yea, okay, so today is my REAL birthday. A lot of people have been giving me grief that I have been calling myself 22 since May or something. Kinda like when youre a little kid and youre like, "Im not 5! Im 5 and 3/4ths!!"

I used to hate my birthdays. Only those who know me really well will know why. Anyway, this is perhaps the first year that I can remember where I feel pretty content with things. 2008 has been really good for me. I've gotten everything I've wanted this year since my birthday last year. I had an excellent senior year, what with doing well grades wise, and being president of the African Student Association. I got my first apartment, which was so much fun. I got my first job offer in the real world (in Chicago, which I didnt take for obvious reasons). I found out boxing is one of the most awesome sports ever. And of course, I GRADUATED from NORTHWESTERN! It must be said though, probably the biggest and most obvious present was getting the Fulbright. But it wasnt the most important...I would have to say...

But the first thing I thought about when my birthday hour arrived was not so much about what I wanted for myself in terms of material things, but I was thinking about what I've been so blessed with this past year. Even though much of 2007 was really difficult, Ive realized in 2008 that what brought me through was the love and support of family, friends, teachers and just other pretty nice people. I have some of the coolest friends ever, especially those I met at Northwestern....Nikki, Ali, Adrienne, Marissa, R, Kelly come to mind right now, and of course plenty more that have been there for me. I think the coolest gift is not necessarily something you can pick up at Nordstroms (although there is this purse I kinda want), but realizing who you are becoming. (Sounds Cliche, but its true!) In the same vein, I've gotten rid of some toxic people in my life, and found new ones who have had much more positive impacts on me. I've reconnected with people from my high school past, which is important, because in high school, I spent much of my time quite closed off and distant. I've spent my college years trying to correct that.

Its about to sound really lame, but every couple of years I make a powerpoint, where I take inventory of goals Ive already accomplished, and make lists of things that I still want to do. I dont share this with anyone, but the last one I made, my sister found on my harddrive. I had long forgotten what I had written, but she was like, "Karen, do you realize youve done most of these things on here?" I asked her to read it to me and I had accomplished a lot of what I had written at the time when I was 18 or 19. Well at 22, its time to take restock and figure out what I want for myself in the years to come, and give God thanks for what I'm "workin' with" so to speak.

So as I get ready to embark on this trip of a lifetime, I know it wont be my last adventure. I have a great team of friends and family behind me. I hope you guys will all still be on my team in the future! (Well, Family, you have no choice!!) Its y'all, with the calls/wallposts/texts that make the birthday happy, nothing that I could really do. So thanks! :)

HAPPY 08/08/08

2008-08-08T23:56:00.000-05:00

Wishing you all new beginnings, happiness and prosperity.

Watching the Olympics makes me feel all warm an fuzzy inside. Yay for humanity..!

-Karen

Hell "No No No No....."

2008-08-07T21:19:00.000-05:00

Beyonce kinda freakumed me out..........

So have y'all seen this picture of her posing for L'Oreal? Its been blowing up the blogs. People are crying foul at the L'Oreal ad for retouching Beyonce to the point that she looks white. I personally had to do a double-take to authenticate this as really Mrs. Shawn Carter herself. I'm not a Beyonce fanatic, nor am I particularly a hater. She has emerged as an international symbol of beauty. However, I personally will fall back on flipping out about this ad. Heres why:

The color palette of the ad itself has Bey Bey wearing white, against a white background.
Bey Bey is in this 3/4 pose, making her nose look quite straight. Plus, there are rumors the girl had a nose job a long time ago. Not L'Oreals Fault.
That freaking hair color! Blondish? That would ash me out too
Beyonce is of African American and Creole descent. Have you seen her mom? Her mother is quite light. Its been said that her mother would send her to tanning salons to look better on stage in her outfits.
Ummm...I don't particularly expect big beauty corporations to have a responsibility to me to represent images of authentic "blackness" when clearly we still have issues denoting what blackness is. Now If I saw this picture and the caption under it said, "Kelly Rowland of Destiny's Child is sporting Color Essence #3242", then I would be launching some fireworks...

Okay, if the ad were for a beauty company made by and for black women, like Iman's line or even Carol's Daughter, I would have have a problem. But I have never expected the likes of Revlon (Halle Berry, Major spokesmodel) Covergirl (Tyra Banks, and Rihanna, major spokesmodels) or any of the others to have a responsibility to promote black beauty. I'm being cynical, I know. But lets face it....they don't HAVE TO. All these brands will continue to make money and stay in business, supported by the mainstream who they cater to and those of us who arent so mainstream looking who arent content with standing on the banks of said stream.

I find it it somewhat hypocritical, all of this. I say, Why criticize L'Oreal when I still see black hair and skin care stores selling skin bleach right next to L'Oreal? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've never heard of a protest against CVS or Albertson's for selling Ambi. Why do we criticize L'Oreal for what they may or may have not done to Beyonce with lighting and computer effects when so many darker-skinned women of many races attempt the same in their bathrooms every morning with harsh chemicals??? Im not even going to talk about people who photoshop their own facebook pics or purposefully pick foundation that is three shades too light but just the right shade of ridiculous. Because its easier to blame someone else...the media, culture, the fashion industry, white people in general.....rather than do a gut check and realize that blacks all over the world still hold on to particular notions of beauty.

-KN

Officially one month and counting...

2008-08-06T12:40:00.001-05:00

Today is August 6th, which means I leave the US in exactly one month!!. I still have to...

Fax a release for my medical forms
Tune up my computer
Buy clothes
Get in contact with my host institution
Wait for my visas
Figure out what to do with my hair
Oh and uh......figure out how to do my research for a year.

Yea...thats about it.

xoxoxKaren

The Countdown!!

2008-08-05T20:48:00.000-05:00

ONE WEEK UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! The big 2-2!!

Tattoos: Thinking about My Ink (Part 2)

2008-08-05T00:48:00.000-05:00

Where did we leave off? Oh yea, I felt bad about how my mom would feel. She's staunchly against it. If anyone knows anything about African culture, tattoos and body markings are looked on as rather taboo, a thing for hooligans or people who worship idols. So my plan was to hide it from her.

Too bad I confessed in July. I may sometimes act like a badass, but I hate lying or covering up something I've done. My mom was naturally upset, but at the same time, its not the worst thing I could have done in the world. Naturally, she is the major reason why I have a laser removal appointment on Aug 18th.

I still have mixed feelings about my tattoo. No, I don't have pictures, and I don't think ill post them because to me, body art is highly personal. On one hand, getting it done marked the end of a phase in my life. It marked a drive that I had to take control of my own body, away from bad relationships, overprotective parents, negative media images. I told myself that if I won the Fulbright I would get inked (I also said I would get a Kate Spade Passport holder. I think my tatt is cooler). I'm reminded of how I struggled to make it this far, and that if I can achieve this then I can do whatever God strengthens me to do. At the same time, even though more and more girls from all walks of life are getting inked up, I know there is still a stigma attached. Women are supposed to be soft and smooth, with no hair, no wrinkles and no blemishes. But we have an emergence of women who are challenging this...with women like Kat Von D, or Angelina Jolie even. Little Miss "Good Girl Gone Bad" Rihanna has talked to the media about her tattoo obsession.

Right, right, I know I'm in the real world unlike these celebrities, and no I'm not saying I did it because they did. I don't intend to get any more body art. This is my limit. I have this weird dichotomy, where on one end I want to be free to express myself. I wanna wear the hair I want, the clothes I want, the body jewelry I want. At the same time, especially as a woman, you feel so much pressure to conform, ESPECIALLY PHYSICALLY, to appear to be wholesome, virtuous, but yet desirable at the same time. And that's where I'm stuck.

This tatt represents some good things, some not-so-good things. Perhaps it represents my own struggles with who I am and who I want to become. Its the straddle between using your body as a tool of rebellion or a representation of conformity. Its an expression of achievement, but a reminder of struggle. That's why I'm just as mixed about removal. Its going to be painful and expensive, I know. I'll only be able to do one treatment before I go abroad. This is the first time I'm submitting myself to pain where nothing good or pretty will come out of it, like a piercing or tattoo. I'm not happy about that. But at the same time, unfortunately, my mom believes that this Arabic tattoo means that I have pledged myself to the terrorist spirits of Islam and I must get rid of it right away because in no way is Islam compatible with Christianity in her view.

Bah. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

xoxox-Karen

Tattoos: Thinking about my Ink (Part 1)

2008-08-04T22:42:00.000-05:00

Okay, so in exactly three weeks, I have a 5:00 appointment at a laser tattoo removal center in Dallas.

:O

Lets backtrack and trace to how I got to this point, shall we? Rewind to last year. Around springtime I was going through a lot of issues. My first relationship ended pretty badly. The process of ending a relational situation that made me miserable in the first place ended up being an equally taxing task. School was tough, per usual. I had tons of duties in student leadership, and like I mentioned in my last post, this was the time when I was trying to square away my research project. I seemed perfectly okay on the outside, but inside, I was screaming for something to stop the inner emotional hemorrhaging. One day during spring break, I decided to go get a navel piercing.

I don't know why I had that impulse. I wasn't necessarily in it to look cute/sexy in bikinis or those ridiculous midriff tops you wear to the club. But the adrenaline rush of the piercing felt good. I liked the atmosphere of the tattoo shops. A couple of weeks later, I had some new ear piercings. I thought to myself, "What else can I do?"

A tattoo....!

Unlike most tattoo stories that involve the words "laser removal", mine wasn't an impulse decision. No. I spent a year fascinated by tattoos. I researched the history of tattooing, and the process. I knew exactly what word I wanted, and I was determined to get it in Arabic, so I spent months reaching people who could do the translation/calligraphy for me and make sure it didn't read "dog food". The difference between the tattoo and the piercings were that the piercings were complete impulse; I didn't tell anyone what I was going to do. With the tatt, I made it public that I was going to get one, and went so far as to challenge friends/siblings with reasons why I shouldn't. I hate not finishing what I start, so I went and made an appointment at the Tattoo Factory in Chicago for June 24 with Dawn.

I was so nervous, but I wasn't backing down. I'm good at silencing that alarm in my head. I sat in the chair and had the stencil done. I looked at it in the mirror for maybe like, 2 seconds. Back to the chair. BZZZZZZ!!! Wow. It hurt. But again, it was a rush. It maybe lasted 10-15 minutes max. Its a small tatt, so it wasn't that big of a deal. Then Dawn finished, applied the disinfectant, bandaged me up and sent me on my way with some tattoo factory goodies.

But all was not well. On my way back home, I started going into minor shock, the unwelcome words creeping into my head that no one wants to think after doing such a thing....."What have I d....." I don't think it was so much instant regret as it was shock that I actually went through with something so final, so permanent, so ballsy. But yes, my mother's face ran through my head. I knew she wouldn't approve.....

(Part 2 Next!)

A Look Back....At how I got here

2008-08-03T20:34:00.000-05:00

So, how did this all start? Well really it all began when I was looking for something to do in the summer of 2007. Like most Northwestern students, you dont spend your summers twiddling your thumbs back at your parent's house. You go get an internship. You go do research. You go get a job. You do whatever you need to do during your summer vacations to prepare you for that long long long vacation called "post-undergraduate life". So thats what I was doing.

I found information at Northwestern for a Undergraduate Research Grants that gives students 3000 U.S. dollars to fund original research grants, including international ones. This was around Feb/March of 2007...my junior year. Since it was 2007 and Ghana's 50th anniversary, I wanted to do a project that would perhaps, help to commemorate that, and to shed light on what was going on with Democracy in the country. How do you "study democracy"? At first I thought, "Oh, I'll go around with surveys asking how people feel about democracy!" Too broad. Try again Karen. I tried again, this time zeroing in on radio and media. "Okay, I'll do a study of radio broadcasting, and how they cover democracy...!" Closer, but do better.

One day, I was locked in the library studying articles on radio and media in broadcasting. I found that people were talking about these phone in programs that were popular in Ghana. Bingo! I developed the idea into my final project proposal for the URG. Specifically I wanted to explore the nature of these new shows, how they operated, and why they were so popular. I turned in my proposal, got my professor to recommend it (Shout out to Barnor Hesse, Prof. of African American Studies, much love).....and won a grant!

However things didn't stop there. I was approached by my school (School of Communication, what what!) and the Office of Fellowships (pictured here. Dont let the pristine image fool you. Read on about how I was semi-hazed, lol) about the project. It was those in the Fellowships office (F.O) that really encouraged me to look at Fulbright to expand on this. I knew about Fulbright before, and honestly...before this project, there was no way I thought that I could possibly have a shot at something so prestigious. But in the interest of positive risk taking, I decided to start the application process in June 2007, after much encouragement from those in the F.O.

Okay, I'm going to fast forward through spring quarter...through the drama, breakups, um...hospitalizations.....(thats another post) and skip to around August/Sept 2007. I'll tell you....at least for me, the hardest thing about applying around the July-Sept time is getting all those recommendations (both electronic and hard copy) and the affiliation letter (hard copy only). I rarely consider myself an aggressive person, but wow. I was sending constant emails...almost harassing Professors to get their recommendations in on time. People like to take their time, I understand. But I was like..."Um, do you not understand that you taking your time could, like, ruin my future?" Ha. I'm half kidding. But looking back on it now, perhaps I agitated my recommenders a bit. I guess the end justif.....I kid, I kid. I will say that I probably would have quit on the Fulbright if it were not for me getting in touch with two of the former Ghana Fulbrighters (one an NU alum) who really really encouraged me and helped me with my project. I'm eternally grateful for their help.

All those who are thinking of applying, find out who the alums are! Reach out! (Ahem, you have one blogging right here!)

Coming back to school, the NU vetting process is tough. The campus deadline is a month before national deadline. But the office was good about keeping up to date with what materials you had in/what you were missing, etc. It can be frustrating though....when you know yourself that you don't have everything in, and then to get a flaming email from the F.O. reminding you that you're kind of sucking at this Fulbright deadline thing. And that barring the gazillion revisions you have to do, as well as the panel interviews. However, it was worth it. The F.O. is toughest on those they think have the best shot. I'll admit though, I did break down into tears when I got an email saying, "Your project feels incomplete. You need to find Professor _______ at all costs before 5 pm tomorrow when he leaves town. Do everything in your power to get in contact with him. He has the key to make your project better. Good luck." I'd never met Professor X. I left all sorts of messages, went to his office, sent emails, everything. I finally ran into BY PURE LUCK that evening at an African Studies function. But point is, I was definitely hazed by the Fulbright office, lol.

Fast foward to October....post-national deadline. Then the waiting game begins. You hear nothing from Fulbright until January, informing you of your first round status. Its the first and largest cut. But Oh-Em-Gee-Golly when I got that email saying I passed the first (hardest round)...man, I think it was the first time where I was like..."Wow, I have a shot at this, for real?" It was awesome. But it meant more waiting.

February...nothing. March....no word. At this point....it somewhat sucks. I began making Plan(s) B, C, D, and so on and so forth. I applied for other jobs, began applying for graduate school (not the greatest idea). Actually, I got a job working with the Chicago Federation of Labor for a year. I was psyched about it. And then April 11th came...

"Congratuatulations...you have been selected......" Its rare that I have breakdowns or freak out. My friend who I was talking to at the moment I got my letter can attest to this fact....I couldn't breathe. I kid you not. I couldn't speak coherently. I got teary eyed and immidiately called my mom. She pretty much caught the Holy Ghost. Its the best thing thats happened to me for a good while (ranks up there with getting into Northwestern, and perhaps discovering all-you-can-eat Sushi buffets). I never thought I'd see my name and profile on the Fulbright website, or on the O.F. website or in newspapers and stuff. (Well, I take that back. Google me in a few years, I'll be all up in the news, lol)

Like I said in my last post....after graduating and partying/playing/chilling in Chicago for the past few months, its time for me to refocus on my project and preparing for my trip. This blog will help me, I think. Just to keep track of what I've done and what I still need to do. I still need to revise some aspects of my project. I still need to make some contacts over in Ghana. I still need to figure out certain things about housing and transportation. I need to figure out how exactly I'm going to learn more Twi. But its not a stressful place to be. I'm not saying I'm totally ready...but I'll get there.

Thats all for now,
xoxoxKaren

Welcome! Wilkommen! Bienvenido! Bienvenuto! Akwaaba!

2008-07-31T17:45:00.000-05:00

Hi! This is the first post of my blog that I'll use to document my time while abroad for a year in my motherland of Ghana. I guess technically the journey began in June, when I went to Washington D.C. for the Orientation and met the other Fulbrighters. But as those of you who are familiar with my recent alma mater, Northwestern University in Il, we work on the quarter system and school was in full swing until late June. Now that I have finally graduated and am back in my home town of Dallas, Texas, I am finally mentally preparing myself for Sept. 7th 2008, the date when I'll touch down on Ghana soil to begin my year abroad. My mom will be flying with me and staying for a month (!). 2 of the other Fulbright students are leaving in 3 weeks.

Wow, I still can't believe this is all real. I never would have thought I would actually get the opportunity to live abroad for a year and get paid for it! Its one of those things that you know will be life changing, and I intend to take full advantage of everything. Not a day will be wasted!

I'll be posting pictures/thoughts/fears/embarrasing moments, etc etc. Perhaps in my next post, Ill detail a little more about my project and what it was like to apply.

Thats all for now!
xoxoxo Karen